Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
