You really coming over, don't trick.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
