"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
