I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
