Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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