remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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