He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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