and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
