Redeem this text for a blowjob
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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