Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
