kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dick very happy bro
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
