the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
