remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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