I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
