all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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