I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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