1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Drake has all the answers
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
