Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
