its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
