I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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