Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
