Having a random hookup so left but love u
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
