My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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