A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
