We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
