i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
