i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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