I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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