i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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