The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
