with your own penis?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
