Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
