glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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