my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
