Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
