I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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