He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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