I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
