don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
