At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
