I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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