just come out here and I will go home with you...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
