Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
