went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
