Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Come share oat with me in your robe
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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