FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
