I want to walk on stilts...naked
someone get that fucking seahorse.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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