Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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