okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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