I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
