walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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